Thursday, March 09, 2006

Rules of Acquisition and other Trek minutiae

Have a look at Memory Alpha, a comprehensive reference site about everything you need to know about the Star Trek universe.

Here, for example, are the Ferengi Rules of Acquisition:

1Once you have their money, you never give it back.
2The best deal is the one that makes the most profit.
3Never pay more for an acquisition than you have to.
4A woman wearing clothes is like a man in the kitchen.
6Never allow family to stand in the way of opportunity.
7Keep your ears open.
8Small print leads to large risk.
9Opportunity plus instinct equals profit.
10Greed is eternal.
11Even if it's free, you can always buy it cheaper.
12Anything worth selling is worth selling twice.
13Anything worth doing is worth doing for money.
16A deal is a deal... until a better one comes along.
17A contract is a contract is a contract... but only between Ferengi.
18A Ferengi without profit is no Ferengi at all.
19Satisfaction is not guaranteed.
21Never place friendship above profit.
22A wise man can hear profit in the wind.
23Nothing is more important than your health... except for your money.
27There is nothing more dangerous than an honest businessman.
28Whisper your way to success.
31Never make fun of a Ferengi's mother.
33It never hurts to suck up to the boss.
34War is good for business.
35Peace is good for business.
40She can touch your lobes, but never your latinum.
41Profit is its own reward.
44Never confuse wisdom with luck.
45Expand or die.
47Never trust a man wearing a better suit than your own.
48The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife.
52Never ask when you can take.
57Good customers are as rare as latinum. Treasure them.
58There is no substitute for success.
59Free advice is seldom cheap.
60Keep your lies consistent.
62The riskier the road, the greater the profit.
65Win or lose, there's always Hupyrian beetle snuff.
74Knowledge equals profit.
75Home is where the heart is, but the stars are made of latinum.
76Every once in a while, declare peace. It confuses the hell out of your enemies.
79Beware of the Vulcan greed for knowledge.
82The flimsier the product, the higher the price.
85Never let the competition know what you're thinking.
89Ask not what your profits can do for you, but what you can do for your profits.
94Females and finances don't mix.
95Expand or die.
97Enough... is never enough.
98Every man has his price.
99Trust is the biggest liability of all.
102Nature decays, but latinum lasts forever.
103Sleep can interfere with your lust for latinum.
104Faith moves mountains... of inventory.
106There is no honor in poverty.
109Dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack.
111Treat people in your debt like family... exploit them.
112Never have sex with the boss's sister.
113Always have sex with the boss.
121Everything is for sale, even friendship.
123Even a blind man can recognize the glow of latinum.
125You can't make a deal if you're dead.
139Wives serve, brothers inherit.
141Only fools pay retail.
144There's nothing wrong with charity... as long as it winds up in your pocket.
162Even in the worst of times, someone turns a profit.
168Whisper your way to success.
177Know your enemies... but do business with them always.
181Not even dishonesty can tarnish the shine of profit.
189Let others keep their reputation. You keep their latinum.
190Hear all, trust nothing.
192Never cheat a Klingon... unless you can get away with it.
194It's always good to know about new customers before they walk in your door.
202The justification for profit is profit.
203New customers are like razor-toothed gree worms. They can be succulent, but sometimes they bite back.
208Sometimes the only thing more dangerous than the question is an answer.
211Employees are the rungs on the ladder of success. Don't hesitate to step on them.
214Never begin a negotiation on an empty stomach.
217You can't free a fish from water.
218Always know what you're buying.
223Beware the man who doesn't make time for oo-mox.
229Latinum lasts longer than lust.
236You can't buy fate.
239Never be afraid to mislabel a product.
242More is good. All is better.
255A wife is a luxury... a smart accountant a necessity.
261A wealthy man can afford anything except a conscience.
263Never let doubt interfere with your lust for latinum.
266When in doubt, lie.
284Deep down, everyone's a Ferengi.
285No good deed ever goes unpunished.